tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50427227278899878832024-03-18T22:04:52.830-05:00Jokes That Won't Matter TomorrowJosh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.comBlogger276125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-9817756319114194852010-03-30T13:21:00.001-05:002010-03-30T13:23:17.507-05:00Some jokes that haven't mattered for weeks. Possibly a month.It was revealed this week that a man in California who was convicted of serial murder was a winning bachelor on “The Dating Game” in 1978. This should have been obvious, since every answer he gave on the show started with, “First, I’d murder you.”<br /><br />According to a new study, this year could be the “tipping point” when the number of babies born to minorities outnumbers that of babies born to whites. I don’t know what it is, but somewhere in here, there’s a great racist pick- up line. <br /><br />It was unveiled Monday that the design for this year’s New York City official condom wrapper is the power symbol for a computer. Personally, I would have gone with the “Caps Lock” key. <br /><br />A former US Navy Intelligence officer won the USA Memory Championship last weekend for the second year in a row. Which means he REALLY must be catching hell for forgetting his wife’s birthday last Tuesday. <br /><br />It’s been announced that President Obama will appear in the 1000th episode of American’s Most Wanted. “I knew it!”, said anyone who’s ever attended a Tea Party Convention.<br /><br />On Monday President Obama angered teachers union officials when he voiced support for the firing of all the teachers at a failing Rhode Island school. The fired teachers were also furious and threatened to teach Obama a lesson he will forget because they’re terrible teachers. <br /><br />Police in New York say that a driver for model Naomi Campbell has filed a complaint that she slapped and punched him while he was driving her around the city. In Naomi’s defense, there were a lot of punch buggies on the road that day.<br /><br />A New York man has recorded images of what he claims to be a UFO flying over the Williamsburg section of the Brooklyn. It was first UFO sighting ever spotted wearing skinny jeans and blasting Belle and Sebastian. <br /><br />Organizers for New York’s National Puerto Rican Day Parade said that they are ending their 30 year relationship with sponsor Captain Morgan Rum. Unfortunately, the relationship between Captain Morgan’s Rum and the parade goers is expected to be as strong as ever. <br /><br />A new glow-in-the-dark roll of toilet paper is being sold on the Internet. Which begs the question: who’s pooping in the dark?<br /><br />Apple is getting pressure from workers rights groups to disclose more details about its suppliers after the company revealed some of its contractors had hired underage employees. Or as Apple calls them, Nano workers. <br /><br />A number of people in states that allow people to openly carry firearms, have been exercising this right by walking into their local Starbucks with their guns. Luckily, it’s impossible to shoot anyone while a Nora Jones CD is playing.<br /><br />The movie Precious recently won outstanding motion picture and outstanding independent film at the 41st NAACP Image Awards. Completely snubbed by the NAACP Image Awards: “Anvil! The story of Anvil.”Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-89498602695146946412010-01-14T11:58:00.001-05:002010-01-14T12:00:13.478-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4OIVXx-QKSc_CIRtGZOSNJUz0oyYdqYeTWC_KwYllKrv7_kIKSV-oR_wvK2Pw5mH9Ud-ucwsdJnqHgVwhfdkPasTfA_E3VCV2wNmmEQqFtkY52CpBjtWjjlsfJH0fqJmWY02slukt2Q/s1600-h/Team+Conan.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 258px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4OIVXx-QKSc_CIRtGZOSNJUz0oyYdqYeTWC_KwYllKrv7_kIKSV-oR_wvK2Pw5mH9Ud-ucwsdJnqHgVwhfdkPasTfA_E3VCV2wNmmEQqFtkY52CpBjtWjjlsfJH0fqJmWY02slukt2Q/s400/Team+Conan.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426641349370816210" /></a>Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-80451956460992282902009-05-19T23:29:00.010-05:002009-05-19T23:38:12.189-05:00Reader(s)<p><br /><font size="4" face="Verdana"><br />I'll be taking an indefinite hiatus from the blog. Now go live your lives.<br /></font><br /></p>Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-85179436074316939792009-05-17T21:47:00.005-05:002009-05-17T21:53:42.756-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwEDfo8Bnthry7Y6V8aDWnqqzKhPKI4AqdZezDVtkcoPLrgPIaOn2LOhgvxf_2xIjs2lZLwsRQTJjdmQtJi8MOV729EnbZ4T_FbS4d5Ow8g4LuH24dCfaMYhlGywRwdgn96VGBhBRpTA/s1600-h/y176055181358447.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwEDfo8Bnthry7Y6V8aDWnqqzKhPKI4AqdZezDVtkcoPLrgPIaOn2LOhgvxf_2xIjs2lZLwsRQTJjdmQtJi8MOV729EnbZ4T_FbS4d5Ow8g4LuH24dCfaMYhlGywRwdgn96VGBhBRpTA/s320/y176055181358447.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336991507247604930" /></a><br />A court in Germany has fined a man over 1200 dollars for knocking off the head off a waxwork figure of Adolf Hitler in a Berlin museum. The judge reprimanded the man, saying you can’t just going around trying to destroy things just because their different than you.<br /><br />Sources are saying that Brad Pitt has been drunk calling his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston saying that he is sorry and that he misses her, thus giving hope to the hundreds of women with phone numbers just one digit off from Jennifer Aniston’s. <br /><br />When the Space Shuttle Atlantis lifted off on Monday it took with it a basketball that belonged to the Harlem Globetrotters. Then on Tuesday it was reported that the Space Shuttle Atlantis spilled a bucket of glitter on Mars and pantsed Jupiter.<br /><br />The first streaker ever at Citi Field, the New York Mets' new stadium, ran onto the field Tuesday. Let’s just say it was not the moment you wanted to be staring at the Jumbo Tron. <br /><br />Harrison Ford revealed this week that he is engaged to his longtime girlfriend Calista Flockhart. Sources say he put a ring around her finger then watched her tip over.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-32002326030939326022009-05-14T14:27:00.002-05:002009-05-14T14:31:59.264-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEm2-7RhQCi64EiWl26zf8XWUxwxlMjvFAYLm9MmfWMT4gA4gY21z7mRBe6r6KRBNPN7pFQ8197HbSwfPdPRXjS6nLCndrUzqqtjYHDjDx6Xn6545IT5EHDmeVVqt1VUJKp0iEcCYAMw/s1600-h/Julia1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEm2-7RhQCi64EiWl26zf8XWUxwxlMjvFAYLm9MmfWMT4gA4gY21z7mRBe6r6KRBNPN7pFQ8197HbSwfPdPRXjS6nLCndrUzqqtjYHDjDx6Xn6545IT5EHDmeVVqt1VUJKp0iEcCYAMw/s320/Julia1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335764408356926162" /></a><br />Julia Roberts was photographed this week with a tattoo on her lower back that features the names of her three children. Julia said she got the tattoos so it would be easier for everyone who kisses her ass to remember her kid’s names. <br /><br />A man in Georgia is recovering after becoming the first US recipient of a double hand transplant. The operation had a few hitches, but the patient still gave his surgeons two left thumbs up. <br /><br />In an interview on the Insider, Lorena Bobbitt says that even 15 years after she cut off her husband's penis, he continues to sends her roses. Bobbit says she looks forward to receiving them so she can cut off the stems.<br /><br />The National Rifle Association next week will present Alaska Governor Sarah Palin with an all white M-4 military rifle called the "Alaskan Hunter.” So... lay low, Levi. <br /><br />Senator Chuck Schumer from New York this week proposed that the IHOP chain in New York start using only maple syrup produced in the state. And lose all its “international” credibility?<br /><br />This week, Chanel, who has been named the world's oldest dog by Guinness World Records, turned 21 years old. This dog is so old, he started digging a hole in his back yard to bury himself. <br /><br />A stunt man filming a car chase in New York's Times Square for a new Nicolas Cage movie crashed his Ferrari into a Sbarro’s Restaurant. The crash injured two, while the food at Sbarro’s killed 6. <br /><br />A man in Texas is auctioning off the original recipe for Dr. Pepper. Sources say the recipe reveals the secret ingredient is one dollar so you can go the store and buy a can of Dr. Pepper.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-6022644091223559962009-04-14T03:45:00.002-05:002009-04-14T03:48:33.579-05:00Actor Kal Penn, best known for his role in the Harold and Kumar movies, is joining the Obama administration as associate director of Office of Public Relations. The first PR debacle facing Penn is President Obama’s decision to make the guy from the Harold and Kumar movies the associate director of Office of Public Relations.<br /><br />Police in Detroit this weekend shut down an organized pillow fight at a downtown park. Locals expressed relief that the pillow fight was squelched before it escalated into “talk about boys”.<br /><br />In a deposition for his 10 million dollar lawsuit against American Apparel, Woody Allen, who is suing the company for using his image in billboard ads, said that the ads are "sleazy," "adolescent" and "infantile”, and that he’s getting turned on just talking about them.<br /><br />A small number of communities throughout the country are printing their own money to help consumers make ends meet and to support struggling local businesses. This promising new trend goes by the name, “Counterfeiting”.<br /><br />Researchers in Brooklyn have recently developed a drug that is capable of erasing certain memories in animals. “Thank God”, said my pet gerbil.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-5508047021796557182009-04-05T20:07:00.004-05:002009-04-06T11:05:49.033-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv33y4mV5ZmJrRZt1e_HU6nvdFkyV5jI7oaUwJjxeyH4nfqndVX6dckszFas3LWIagOux9gHmHpUjLXjGSfb0JN-YbSNX7fwOazYU3YFZCzbX9q8faD0OBkp0W-Y0QxMvK7LPKQ9Qi7A/s1600-h/pm_pistachios.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 137px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv33y4mV5ZmJrRZt1e_HU6nvdFkyV5jI7oaUwJjxeyH4nfqndVX6dckszFas3LWIagOux9gHmHpUjLXjGSfb0JN-YbSNX7fwOazYU3YFZCzbX9q8faD0OBkp0W-Y0QxMvK7LPKQ9Qi7A/s320/pm_pistachios.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321610258493358098" /></a><br /><br />The FDA issued an alert Monday warning people to stop eating all pistachios because of a possible salmonella contamination. “Damn it”, said the guy who just heard this after spending the last 20 minutes opening a pistachio.<br /><br />It was reported that a 7300 square foot mansion owned by Hugh Hefner and his wife Kimberly is for sale for almost 28 million dollars. Buyer beware: The old guy smell is the least offensive odor in the place.<br /><br />Many royal watchers feel that First Lady Michelle Obama violated the rules of protocol when she touched the queen on her back instead of curtsying when they met for the first time. If that’s the case, then Obama definitely broke protocol when he went in for the fist bump. <br /><br />Dozens of out-of-work New Yorkers participated in the Unemployment Olympics. Unfortunately, the event was tainted when some of the participants tested positive for trust funds.<br /><br />Police in Salt Lake City are searching for a man who fired two shots at a McDonald's after the drive-thru operator told him they were not serving lunch yet. Here’s a crazy thought: try looking for him at a McDonald’s around lunchtime.<br /><br />It was announced last week that television ads for abortions will be allowed on British TV for the first time. The British government hopes this will finally put an end to the dangerous back alley abortion commercial.<br /><br />A man in Bosnia was arrested after he tried to kill his mother-in-law with an anti-tank missile. And he thought she was a bitch to him before.<br /><br />Fox is creating a new dating show which will feature husky guys dating plus-size women. The show will be called “More to Love”, because no one wants to be on a dating show called “Limited Options”.<br /><br />A man in Ohio was arrested on charges of drunken driving after he crashed while driving a bar stool resting on top of a deconstructed lawn mower. Is it okay to give drunk drivers style points?Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-37380870046441225942009-03-16T03:49:00.003-05:002009-03-16T04:04:39.446-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPLiguvmHK8u50nRzkxhVKaw-Y7l7-Dn6ZR8l2L6g_r1YgrFqjFbtZEOFPs09V1oyT9oI6SAhp21kuv_vvZBsX3dY7xKYGNJx1GFO8KRrdauT-YJFd6GapXVV_sYKBBscR7q6u9LJppg/s1600-h/cheers460.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 192px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPLiguvmHK8u50nRzkxhVKaw-Y7l7-Dn6ZR8l2L6g_r1YgrFqjFbtZEOFPs09V1oyT9oI6SAhp21kuv_vvZBsX3dY7xKYGNJx1GFO8KRrdauT-YJFd6GapXVV_sYKBBscR7q6u9LJppg/s320/cheers460.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313708599482967026" /></a><br />Eddie Doyle, who was a bartender at the Boston tavern that inspired the TV show Cheers, was laid off this week after working there for 35 years. Not surprisingly, he will be replaced by Woody Harrelson. <br /><br />Engineers are saying that a prototype for a floating city off the coast of San Francisco could be ready in 3 years. Unfortunately, shark engineers believe they can have a prototype for a ladder built in two. <br /><br />Bill Maher debated Ann Coulter this week as part of a speaker series at Radio City Music Hall. The two debated over Iraq, the media and just how much weird sexual tension one audience could stand. <br /><br />This June hordes of cyclists will participate in the ‘World Naked Bike Ride’ in which people will bike through Central Park while naked. The ride hopes to raise awareness of people who do things that are totally unnecessary.<br /><br />A new study shows that chimpanzees can plan ahead like humans, although I think its safe to say our plans for world domination worked out a little better than theirs. <br /><br />A man in California is building a boat made out of recycled plastic bottles and plans to sail it this spring to Australia. Hopefully, one of those bottles contains a message in it that reads, “Man, this was a dumb idea. Please tell my wife and kids I loved them.” <br /><br />The Museum of Funeral Customs in Springfield, Illinois may soon close its doors because of poor attendance. And it was so young.<br /><br />According to Forbes Magazine, New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg is now the richest man in New York City. This isn’t saying much, considering the second richest man in New York City these days is this guy. <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4Wh5dmyzymDTl-4mHI22JjFNWoQkw7ngYc43hKVmp4oZFDTz1410DFdhXiMcRHr_YJ-cqJSs5aUsfnOjam5Izyx6TEdvuk2Pkpsm8DfhnAD44tW3BBxygO1wjrLS-MNmwVbf5g3JoHw/s1600-h/Homeless-in-brand-new-Dr_-Martens-boots_MG_5907.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 156px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4Wh5dmyzymDTl-4mHI22JjFNWoQkw7ngYc43hKVmp4oZFDTz1410DFdhXiMcRHr_YJ-cqJSs5aUsfnOjam5Izyx6TEdvuk2Pkpsm8DfhnAD44tW3BBxygO1wjrLS-MNmwVbf5g3JoHw/s200/Homeless-in-brand-new-Dr_-Martens-boots_MG_5907.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5313708394385160914" /></a>Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-54668452491998312212009-03-09T10:13:00.003-05:002009-03-09T10:18:24.812-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisuHC3l5c9QW1CTrdAa5UIco9duUnhRI0hzQUmdUmLyMBejO4XJ73ZyO9rDF8GPTMrtv3N6RJ3KnL6Ni82ifTRllWNxLryJ5by-6J08CeGl4fXT2ay-qHVfaIdZ-b6x732jWybNNY3Ag/s1600-h/meghanmccain.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisuHC3l5c9QW1CTrdAa5UIco9duUnhRI0hzQUmdUmLyMBejO4XJ73ZyO9rDF8GPTMrtv3N6RJ3KnL6Ni82ifTRllWNxLryJ5by-6J08CeGl4fXT2ay-qHVfaIdZ-b6x732jWybNNY3Ag/s320/meghanmccain.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5311207654529179442" /></a><br /><br />In a recent blog post, John McCain’s daughter Meghan wrote that after the 2008 presidential race, she doesn’t want to date men who voted for Obama, but is repulsed by men who are obsessive supporters of her father. So, don’t blow this one, Green party dudes.<br /><br />It was reported that the emperor of Japan may visit Pearl Harbor in July. Thanks for the heads up this time.<br /><br />The N.J. Senate approved a bill this week allowing the use of medical marijuana. After the bill was passed, thousands of New Jerseyans immediately called their dealers hoping to score some cancer. <br /><br />The Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors issued a proclamation declaring the first week in March to be “No Cussing Week”, which in a case of bad timing, is also LA’s annual, “Stub Your Toe Week”.<br /><br />A city in New Zealand is planning to play the music of Barry Manilow in their central mall district to calm down unruly teens who congregate there. Many are skeptical of the plan, since it didn’t work when they tried it at the Copa…Copacabana.<br /><br />A woman in Michigan with two wombs has given birth to twin daughters, one with each uterus. Good luck getting them to ever share a crib.<br /><br />In a recent blog, Nadya Suleman, the octuplets mom, says that she only speaks to the father of her children "once a year.” That may not sound like a lot, but it’s more face time than she gives children 11 through 14.<br /><br />Atlas Sports Genetics has been selling a home-analysis kit that allows parents to test if their child is genetically predisposed to have sports ability. It looks something like this: <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPGw5Ikw3R4XR0rrqPeEqSQhdlY4AhUo4vcbHt5XMHLnTI-R6FXbY0nnRDW1hnRR-FDrsNMWwbfqNJerLL-Xl91X1gzPzh3oFenUzS_zFo8mOTIjkJfe2tJ-JDQon5zn9Q_6nFMlRqYA/s1600-h/basketball.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 316px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPGw5Ikw3R4XR0rrqPeEqSQhdlY4AhUo4vcbHt5XMHLnTI-R6FXbY0nnRDW1hnRR-FDrsNMWwbfqNJerLL-Xl91X1gzPzh3oFenUzS_zFo8mOTIjkJfe2tJ-JDQon5zn9Q_6nFMlRqYA/s320/basketball.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5311207533842985378" /></a>Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-21907667131864954762009-02-16T21:01:00.009-05:002009-02-17T10:39:26.816-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8i6Y7CuPv15GtxK-TDlasdqK1iXah8cJbG1UPTNbsJP-YHmGtzSCqyEL7hKFQIvmbgDMeD5lt8J7QpB1EyBwb150iDMLe3dtm_qE3_7yr8T_Y-oJCzpHLntmyjRjuJkNjsXS2T6rygw/s1600-h/friday-the-13th-teaser.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 216px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8i6Y7CuPv15GtxK-TDlasdqK1iXah8cJbG1UPTNbsJP-YHmGtzSCqyEL7hKFQIvmbgDMeD5lt8J7QpB1EyBwb150iDMLe3dtm_qE3_7yr8T_Y-oJCzpHLntmyjRjuJkNjsXS2T6rygw/s320/friday-the-13th-teaser.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5303791201925491122" /></a><br /><br />The number one movie at the box office last weekend was "He's Just Not That Into You", though it faces stiff competition this weekend with the opening of, “Friday the 13th: He’s Just Not That Into You And He’s Got A Pick Ax”.<br /><br />On Monday, New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg gave US Airways pilot Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger and his crew the key to the city. This marks the first time in which keys were given to and not being taken away from a guy named Sully. <br /><br />Eight leaders of the nation's top banks appeared before Congress Wednesday to face tough questions from lawmakers regarding how they have used more than 160 billion dollars in taxpayers money. Congress was surprised to learn the answer was pens. <br /><br />A New York City Councilman wants to phase out buggy-pulled horses in Central Park and replace them with eco-friendly electric replicas of Model T Fords. While this may sound less romantic, nobody ever went for a stroll in the park and stepped in a pile of Model T crap. <br /><br />A man in Delaware was arrested for allegedly hiding marijuana in his children's diapers. The man was let off with a stern warning, “Huggies, not druggies.” <br /><br />Activision is still planning on airing an ad for Guitar Hero that features Alex Rodriguez and Michael Phelps, despite the controversy surrounding their drug use. No doubt a difficult decision for the makers of a game built upon the idol worship of Joe Perry and Slash.<br /><br />In his first White House news conference on Tuesday, President Obama said of the stimulus plan, "I can't tell you for sure that everything in this plan will work exactly as we hoped." Is it bad when your President starts sounding like Ben from Lost?<br /><br />Barack Obama on Tuesday became the 10th American president to call on Helen Thomas at a White House news conference, but only the first to have to explain to her that it wasn’t all a dream and yes, he’s really president.<br /><br />This Thursday marked the 200th birthday of Charles Darwin, who is best remembered for not being able to explain this guy: <br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoVh3h1qKRHNOXON53f5q45yuuaZtNkIGLebhZK_fJ37wPuvDMe2XKAMy4Hg7IOyfeXq4xcRWn-C607liPg2vLJi3pibIBTSC4ZzmxrYltNnrIZd4amVcKhA8mwi3zD_Z0fLxFyZd_bA/s1600-h/scooter.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoVh3h1qKRHNOXON53f5q45yuuaZtNkIGLebhZK_fJ37wPuvDMe2XKAMy4Hg7IOyfeXq4xcRWn-C607liPg2vLJi3pibIBTSC4ZzmxrYltNnrIZd4amVcKhA8mwi3zD_Z0fLxFyZd_bA/s320/scooter.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5303786726412518594" /></a>Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-66938617854011373392009-02-09T10:20:00.003-05:002009-02-09T10:34:13.102-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHECJsIK4A8rNMzUTEeg-N89qPhmZyX-9Ngwg93DgFtdBNyuFzsRv3bhb9MBVCyCirSVk8LC4b-mQieHCyFFU4KM7y33IVHOz_u6WMYU6oCAg1kH59AKZkP_qsbPvLWQKwaA-irPlYng/s1600-h/iStock_000005316590Small.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 282px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHECJsIK4A8rNMzUTEeg-N89qPhmZyX-9Ngwg93DgFtdBNyuFzsRv3bhb9MBVCyCirSVk8LC4b-mQieHCyFFU4KM7y33IVHOz_u6WMYU6oCAg1kH59AKZkP_qsbPvLWQKwaA-irPlYng/s320/iStock_000005316590Small.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5300818905902890818" /></a><br />The House voted Wednesday to postpone the deadline for a nationwide switch to digital TV until after June 12, giving more than 6.5 million Americans with analog TVs more time to obtain converter boxes. Or, you know, die off.<br /><br />Surgeons in Maryland removed a woman's kidney through her vagina so she could give it to her ailing niece. The surgeons were hailed for both saving a life and winning a bet. <br /><br />Eddie Van Halen said this week that he has created a guitar that even he cannot destroy. Now change ‘guitar’ to ‘liver’ and you’ve got something. <br /><br />Paris Hilton said that she plans on helping the economy by continuing to shop. In other news, Microsoft, GE and Ford will now focus their entire businesses on making thongs and Chihuahua sweaters.<br /><br />Geologists monitoring Alaska's Mount Redoubt said Sunday that the volcano is rumbling and emitting steam but has shown no drastic burst in the past 24 hours. So yeah, a volcano is showing more self-control than Christian Bale.<br /><br />The New Life Church in South Dakota has been conducting boxing matches in a ring in the church to help illustrate the spiritual battles man faces, so says New Life Church’s “Father McGambling Problem”. <br /><br />Joseph "Joey the Clown" Lombardo was sentenced to life in federal prison for serving as a leader of Chicago's organized crime family. Mafia Don plus clown equal scariest cellmate ever.<br /><br />Nadya Suleman, the single woman who gave birth to octuplets last week, has been deluged with offers for book deals, TV shows, and other opportunities. One thing she hasn’t been deluged with: marriage proposals. <br /><br />It was reported that Britney Spears has said she will cancel her upcoming "Circus" tour if she cannot bring her kids with her. If she is allowed to bring them, we could witness the first instance of kids running away from the “Circus” to join society.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-78900795738832948362009-02-02T20:10:00.001-05:002009-02-02T20:12:31.671-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX87ZGZR-HLsJrPippbaiRecMdwl7r-TN-KgM0_IdYDeLWgy3jqYZM1V8vFy7jiiZU0HOeihEVYGyacuOcJ23a7JeoK8ztuYrTmTOChPBkvsJYBNCnmWAAqXda4H5N45464qKq9Z8uyg/s1600-h/bcdr_Pc0060500.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 192px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX87ZGZR-HLsJrPippbaiRecMdwl7r-TN-KgM0_IdYDeLWgy3jqYZM1V8vFy7jiiZU0HOeihEVYGyacuOcJ23a7JeoK8ztuYrTmTOChPBkvsJYBNCnmWAAqXda4H5N45464qKq9Z8uyg/s320/bcdr_Pc0060500.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5298372300789892978" /></a><br /><br />The high school girls basketball team in Texas that beat an opponent 100 to 0 is now apologizing for the extreme margin of victory. So far, it’s 100 apologies issued to zero apologies accepted. <br /><br />The half-brother of President Barack Obama was arrested for alleged possession of marijuana on Saturday near his home in a Nairobi shantytown. Guess who got their first 3:00 am call in the White House?<br /><br />A woman in Thailand broke her own record by spending 33 days and nights with 5000 scorpions. Record Shmecord. This woman just likes hanging out with scorpions. <br /><br />Actress Molly Ringwald is writing a new book about life as a 40-something. The book is called, “Pretty in Pink Minivan.”<br /><br />A man in California has embarked on a cross-country trek to get 50 jobs in 50 weeks in all 50 states. Doubt any of those jobs will be as the “Senior Head of the Great Timing and Decision Making Department”.<br /><br />A new study shows that 2 to 3 day old babies can perceive musical patterns and can even notice when a drummer missed a beat. The study also shows that by days 4 and 5, babies can tell that Coldplay is way overrated.<br /><br />Iceland's coalition government collapsed Monday, leaving the island nation in political turmoil amid a financial crisis that has pummeled its economy and required an international bailout. But really, what do you expect from a country whose main export is ice cubes. <br /><br />In a series of interviews on Tuesday Rod Blagojevich talked about how he and his wife got his children a puppy over Christmas. It should be noted that the puppy gave Blagojevich a new pair of slippers and the newspaper from the driveway for the position.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-70652670772148958032009-01-19T12:08:00.003-05:002009-01-22T16:23:10.682-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHcUEjsNwTA6ojpxfsHveaNSeWzV6VlAjwqB6xlfslKYGftTiLizq23bzNogJ_hg415LXaE8YPCjvFMRWIXEqGzzD-fYXlrDxzhOrs2pbV4AzqDi4vThWVOYhbfcdVXYK3dtd-gjL6Fw/s1600-h/US+Airways.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 286px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHcUEjsNwTA6ojpxfsHveaNSeWzV6VlAjwqB6xlfslKYGftTiLizq23bzNogJ_hg415LXaE8YPCjvFMRWIXEqGzzD-fYXlrDxzhOrs2pbV4AzqDi4vThWVOYhbfcdVXYK3dtd-gjL6Fw/s320/US+Airways.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293054056758546738" /></a><br /><br />Pending further investigation, many experts have concluded that U.S. Airways flight 1549 was downed by a flock of geese. After hearing this, President Bush capped off his Presidency by declaring war on pigeons. <br /><br />Barack Obama's inauguration will have a strong Abraham Lincoln theme, including using the bible Lincoln was sworn in with, a luncheon menu modeled on Lincoln's favorite food, and several racist states ceding from the union. <br /><br />A 22 year-old woman who is auctioning off her virginity says the bids have gotten as high as 3.8 million dollars. So basically, this economy is going to suck for everyone but hot virgins. <br /><br />Joseph Brooks, a New York songwriter who won an Academy Award for the Debbie Boone song "You Light Up My Life," is a suspect in five sexual assault cases. In addition, he’s suspected of pretty much ruining the song, "You Light Up My Life," for five women.<br /><br />Amy Winehouse told a British paper this week that she has a new boyfriend, and that when she’s with him, “she doesn’t need drugs”, which sounded encouraging until it was discovered that this new boyfriend was made out of crack. <br /><br />A new "flirting course" is being offered to aspiring IT engineers at Potsdam University in Germany, where they will learn how to write flirtatious text messages and e-mails, how to impress people at parties and how to cope with rejection. So, it’s basically a class on how to cope with rejection.<br /><br />A 107 year-old Chinese woman, who never married, says she is ready for a husband now. Unfortunately, her choices have narrowed a bit, as she prefers older men.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-29694227678588809052009-01-11T23:04:00.003-05:002009-01-11T23:13:59.427-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQvMt7lnxV6u_g56PF8u5lOo3TS28vWCaGN3cLzRKlH5VdwWnMW6aRqlhWdFvx_09NCj_lvGrMD-IPGDxl1R0R7jGkqulwcgRGA7zFQ4WgmNoYPVnSbrHXkUyrPJcyowRyPWBcgywGTQ/s1600-h/Steve+Jobs.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 241px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQvMt7lnxV6u_g56PF8u5lOo3TS28vWCaGN3cLzRKlH5VdwWnMW6aRqlhWdFvx_09NCj_lvGrMD-IPGDxl1R0R7jGkqulwcgRGA7zFQ4WgmNoYPVnSbrHXkUyrPJcyowRyPWBcgywGTQ/s320/Steve+Jobs.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290254681133500482" /></a><br />Apple announced this week that CEO Steve Jobs was once again paid 1 dollar in salary last year. No wonder the guy is starving. <br /><br />Plastic surgeons in New York City are saying that as the economy worsens the demand for breast implants has dropped. Makes sense, considering it was artificial bubbles that got us into this mess in the first place.<br /><br />A rock singer in England has been hiccupping for 22 straight months, in what might be God’s most unsubtle way of saying, “maybe you’d be happier playing bass.”<br /><br />A man in Atlanta, who had built a replica of the White House, is now selling it because of the downturn in the economy. In other news, the McCains just bought their eighth home. <br /><br />It was reported this week that Laura Bush has signed a deal to publish a memoir that will encompass her recollections of personal and historical moments. The working title of the book is, “Picking out china patterns while my husband drives the country off a cliff.”<br /><br />The White House said that the idea for the gathering of all the living presidents for lunch on Wednesday came from Barack Obama. It was a group decision, however, to make George W. sit at the kiddie table.<br /><br />In an interview on Fox News Sunday, former President George H.W. Bush said that he would like to see his other son, Jeb, win the presidency someday, though he’ll settle for him not ruining the country.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-23039297727778279402008-12-15T10:54:00.002-05:002008-12-15T11:02:23.923-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKA2wawiVUJ9OIcnnaMwJMd9YHU4PAYaQK0-5x2wxaQV6T4iMGZThY-E-UEXjY5Fg3V1ptKz7tewkVyq0VeTANiO5EytV-X36nYtAmQEjY9BMYH3tr3H905U9-r8OQmXr6c1R2g3mw9A/s1600-h/bad_economy.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 230px; height: 165px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKA2wawiVUJ9OIcnnaMwJMd9YHU4PAYaQK0-5x2wxaQV6T4iMGZThY-E-UEXjY5Fg3V1ptKz7tewkVyq0VeTANiO5EytV-X36nYtAmQEjY9BMYH3tr3H905U9-r8OQmXr6c1R2g3mw9A/s320/bad_economy.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5280046908465925138" /></a><br />A growing number of illegal immigrants from Mexico are returning to their home country now because of the recession. You have to give credit where credit is due- Bush finally found a way to solve the illegal immigrant problem.<br /><br />British Marine archaeologists have discovered a 4 and a half inch piece of "string" they say is 8000 years old, because that sounds a little better than saying, “We got nothing”. <br /><br />Veterinarians in Massachusetts on Tuesday reattached the face of a cat who had been injured by a car's fan belt. Unfortunately, they’ve reattached it to Joan Rivers. <br /><br />It was announced this week that Michael Jackson's famous glittery glove will be auctioned off next week. The bidding will start at the price of hundreds of children’s’ innocence.<br /><br />More than 2 million Muslims on Sunday began a pilgrimage to a town outside Mecca to cast stones at the devil, because if there’s anything that’s going to take the devil down, it’s rocks.<br /><br />A man in China woke his wife from her 10 year coma by biting her toes, or a woman in China woke up from her 10 year coma to discover her husband still has a foot fetish.<br /><br />A new report shows that in recent years, many women have become top executives in the pornography industry. Yet another example of women breaking through the mirrored ceiling. <br /><br />An 89 year-old man and a 90 year-old woman in England became the Britain's oldest newlyweds this week when they got married. The couple is registered at the Ramsey Funeral Home & Crematory.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-67669932379319235082008-11-24T17:51:00.002-05:002008-11-24T18:07:18.768-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbM8iFxnoIHmeVQqmwpzuV3G_6hxui94C0bfvZ9aeYvCUdhyFuS0XXx1ujqjD1FAEapiSUwvUr0DYZUhUkKCU2NxeVg8NVHOP8ZRDkPtrK1vxLeh2qgKL90AjiZLdbqSfTYS7MHcLNsg/s1600-h/425.obamas.kroft.111708.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 237px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbM8iFxnoIHmeVQqmwpzuV3G_6hxui94C0bfvZ9aeYvCUdhyFuS0XXx1ujqjD1FAEapiSUwvUr0DYZUhUkKCU2NxeVg8NVHOP8ZRDkPtrK1vxLeh2qgKL90AjiZLdbqSfTYS7MHcLNsg/s320/425.obamas.kroft.111708.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5272361364429748770" /></a><br />During an interview with 60 Minutes, Barack Obama talked about getting a hypoallergenic dog for his family as well as the possibility of his mother-law moving into the White House with them. Oh my God, we’ve elected a sitcom premise.<br /><br />Debby, the world's oldest polar bear in captivity, died this week in a Canadian zoo at the age of 42. Sadly, she died without anyone ever knowing her real name was not Debby, but Fran. <br /><br />Drug dealing on the website Craigslist has become so rampant that New York's special narcotics prosecutor has asked the site to curb the thinly veiled ads that use code words to sell drugs. Good news for people who genuinely do only want to buy tickets to the “420” foot high “ski lift” on “meth mountain”. <br /><br />At a gay rights rally this weekend in California, comedian Wanda Sykes revealed that she is a lesbian, while comedian Carrot Top revealed he’s actually a carrot bottom. <br /><br />The Postal Service announced this week they will be reducing employee work hours and instituting a program which would push 150,000 employees into early retirement,… you know, just in case you forgot where the term “going postal” came from. <br /><br />Oral Roberts University announced this week that it will lay off about 100 employees. It’s cool though. I hear Oral gives great severance. <br /><br />In Germany, scientists have uncovered a 4600 year-old grave containing a man, woman and two children. It is believed to be the oldest evidence of people living as a family and the longest any couple has ever stayed together for the sake of the children. <br /><br />In an interview in the New Yorker, Prince reveals that since he joined the Jehovah's Witnesses two years ago he has started knocking on doors to preach the work of his Christian denomination. Leave it to the Jehovah's Witnesses’ to make Prince showing up at your door a bad thing. <br /><br />Senator Ted Stevens, the longest serving Republican in the Senate, on Tuesday narrowly lost his reelection bid. The people of Alaska have spoken, and they have “narrowly” chosen the guy who isn’t an 85-year-old convicted felon. <br /><br />In a message posted Wednesday, Ayman al-Zawahiri, Al Qaeda's number 2 leader, insulted Barack Obama, calling him a "house negro." It should be noted that he said this only after scanning the room to make sure there weren’t any black dudes around.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-23751578545752085712008-11-16T11:17:00.003-05:002008-11-17T08:56:58.738-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXdszQ1DDewsDNikdtf7T77qDcCFOX66V23GiywWiGz65VyafAFmg83n0KBhTbb0BazT0d4Gymp9WbnqCbYXzNLLz5CLrDCuGWaHFR5vM15_M-9FMeoJ5UyRMPxDDr0FvCl12BKgkscQ/s1600-h/Sailor+Kissing.jpeg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 254px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXdszQ1DDewsDNikdtf7T77qDcCFOX66V23GiywWiGz65VyafAFmg83n0KBhTbb0BazT0d4Gymp9WbnqCbYXzNLLz5CLrDCuGWaHFR5vM15_M-9FMeoJ5UyRMPxDDr0FvCl12BKgkscQ/s320/Sailor+Kissing.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5269290796090266898" /></a><br />Ninety year-old Edith Shain, the woman from the famed 1945 Times Square picture of her being kissed by a sailor, was in New York this week to serve as a grand marshal in this week's Veterans Day Parade. Thousands of sailors attended the parade to see if she still puts out.<br /><br />In the week since the Presidential election, the names Barack, Obama, Michele, Malia, and Sasha have become increasingly popular baby names. So…in your face, Piper! <br /><br />Friends of Michelle Obama say that her first priority as she comes to Washington will be her two daughters, and not being "co-president", though Sasha Obama is rumored to have her eye on the “Secretary of Teddy Bear Slumber Parties” post.<br /><br />Barack Obama on Monday visited the White House and was given a tour of the Oval Office by President Bush. Meanwhile, Dick Cheney graciously gave Joe Biden a tour of Castle Grayskull.<br /><br />This week, Saudi Arabia presided over a two-day UN conference on religious tolerance, which was going pretty well, until the Jews showed up. <br /><br />Writer Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez theorized that Barack Obama won the Presidency in part because of the "Huxtable effect," in which the hit 80s sitcom, “The Cosby Show”, helped young voters get over racial stereotypes. She also theorized that the “Mr. Roper” effect didn’t do John McCain any favors. <br /><br />The stick, which a child can make into anything using their imagination, was inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame last week. Next year pile of dirt. Next year. <br /><br />Many people in Africa have high expectations for Barack Obama's presidency and believe he will be able to solve many of the continent’s problems. After all, Africa has done so well with other black leaders in the past. <br /><br />A man in Japan has enlisted hundreds of people in a campaign to allow marriages between humans and cartoon characters, saying that he feels more at ease in the "two-dimensional world." Dude, step away from the henatia porn.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-13255021477964598622008-11-03T15:52:00.003-05:002008-11-03T15:57:39.630-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-73cfzzpMB1ARP-dWtszFO0q1OlzVJ1mveF5ofvKunFlBVhj622gpp8VTqIkvk8B6NsfJF7nvm8zn9VX0ddeLdbTn7KETjcpWgqx3_MTacf1oc80kkWZu3onbdjSJbyjPORVLlKfxug/s1600-h/palin.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 202px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-73cfzzpMB1ARP-dWtszFO0q1OlzVJ1mveF5ofvKunFlBVhj622gpp8VTqIkvk8B6NsfJF7nvm8zn9VX0ddeLdbTn7KETjcpWgqx3_MTacf1oc80kkWZu3onbdjSJbyjPORVLlKfxug/s320/palin.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5264537885871177650" /></a><br /><br />Some aides to John McCain say that they are not happy that Sarah Palin has been going "off-script" at campaign rallies and are concerned over what they describe as her “rogue” behavior. Man, it’s almost like she’s turned into some kind of maverick.<br /><br />Many political insiders think that regardless of the outcome of the election, Sarah Palin could be the future of the Republican Party, assuming nobody foxier comes along.<br /><br />Sarah Palin turned out to be one of the most popular costumes this Halloween, which is surprising, since the costume was sold exclusively at Saks and Neiman Marcus.<br /><br />A man in Japan set fire to the hotel where he was due to get married rather than go through with the ceremony. The man now faces 10 to 20 years in “not” marriage. <br /><br />A new line of Italian wines based on the hit series the Sopranos will be launched in the US this fall. This might explain the recent rise in grape whackings. <br /><br />The City Council of Atlantic City has voted to lift the less-than-2-week-old ban on smoking in casinos. Hey Atlantic City- how does it feel to know Keith Richards once quit smoking longer than you did?Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-71383450698669822382008-10-27T22:16:00.005-05:002008-10-27T22:28:02.817-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDfZcaKDK91tiKtMfjPOHdbqwBVEQPpvMGB8vtiBf4byb37B-9UOLhvoOtTIEQmqf4SAZK23chCxq4Hw0iVYAh7rxFLpz9lrvK-xQl_F53xzsyoU6C7_GOFXvZ2WBqUWzyb-pgPfvLkA/s1600-h/ABC.jpeg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 111px; height: 111px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDfZcaKDK91tiKtMfjPOHdbqwBVEQPpvMGB8vtiBf4byb37B-9UOLhvoOtTIEQmqf4SAZK23chCxq4Hw0iVYAh7rxFLpz9lrvK-xQl_F53xzsyoU6C7_GOFXvZ2WBqUWzyb-pgPfvLkA/s320/ABC.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262041327179600770" /></a><br />In an effort to cut costs, ABC has sent around a "new wardrobe guidelines" memo to certain shows outlining the "maximum allowable spend" for clothes for each character- to which the Republican Party asked, “You can do that?” <br /><br />Survivor host Jeff Probst has created a new reality show called "Live Like You're Dying," which takes people who don't have much time left on the adventure of a lifetime. The idea seems to be a real hit with the show’s first subject, John McCain. <br /><br />Because of the ailing economy, airlines are announcing that they will have nearly 3 million less flights this year during the Thanksgiving holiday. The news is just sinking in for the millions of Turkeys who were hoping to get the heck out of Dodge for the holiday. <br /><br />A 33 year-old woman, who was accused of stealing her daughter's identity to attend high school and join the cheerleading squad, has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity. Or, as she put it, “Defense! Insanity! Defense, insanity…Whooo!!!” <br /><br />A man in South Carolina was arrested this weekend after he left his 10 month old daughter in a car while he went into a strip club where his wife was performing and got a lap dance. Ahh...what couples will do to keep things fresh after having a kid. <br /><br />In an attempt to broaden its appeal the white-power movement in America is marketing itself to middle America by creating social networking sites and podcasts. Well, it’s about time segregationists joined the 21st century! <br /><br />A school in New York City is offering a class called "The Art of Charm," which is 3500 dollar, one-week, live-program that teaches romantically challenged men how to successfully hit on women. I’d say giving them $3500 for a bogus class is a good start. <br /><br />Geologists say they have discovered more than 1000 prehistoric animal tracks so densely packed on a site near the Arizona-Utah border that they are calling it a "dinosaur dance floor." Also discovered by this "dinosaur dance floor": the bones of the infamous “D.J. Rex”. <br /><br />Two Dutch teenagers have been convicted of theft and sentenced to community service for stealing "virtual" items in an online adventure game, thus setting the precedent that could lead to someday all of us being brought up on charges of involuntary ghost slaughter. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3gYRnrw0T3Yc_himS2M_my55SZm6QMd1y-_c2bbosl2jgBLzQkMQ9I5IE6QpNFZOEs7SQehjHdWUbIZsxdJRR8jRXaSMMQtWB7TTsRMcJWem5qFN6eeXBfmErHzczNQtZLY1rv4D0mA/s1600-h/blinky_pinky_inky_clyde.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 129px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3gYRnrw0T3Yc_himS2M_my55SZm6QMd1y-_c2bbosl2jgBLzQkMQ9I5IE6QpNFZOEs7SQehjHdWUbIZsxdJRR8jRXaSMMQtWB7TTsRMcJWem5qFN6eeXBfmErHzczNQtZLY1rv4D0mA/s320/blinky_pinky_inky_clyde.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262040575734707986" /></a>Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-59616727637128101262008-10-21T08:23:00.007-05:002008-10-21T08:36:42.922-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY0dPhLEkNZ1lMaA5jRSEuy9cojZpCxubIoV2_GcbFUiVfZSeezxUuN-0OCv-ww5whLNtbW5pohRfSU33kk0kgXdhTHXldee7UXm6LpkpC4UZTBPJ2KeVSVUWhQZucdiknqRfWU7lO5A/s1600-h/340x.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY0dPhLEkNZ1lMaA5jRSEuy9cojZpCxubIoV2_GcbFUiVfZSeezxUuN-0OCv-ww5whLNtbW5pohRfSU33kk0kgXdhTHXldee7UXm6LpkpC4UZTBPJ2KeVSVUWhQZucdiknqRfWU7lO5A/s320/340x.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259600205771139122" /></a><br /><br />In an interview with the Associated Press, Levi Johnston, the fiancé of Sarah Palin's pregnant daughter Bristol, said that they "were planning on getting married a long time ago”. Just not to each other.<br /><br />At the Philadelphia Flyers' home opener against the New York Rangers, Sarah Palin was booed as she dropped the ceremonial first puck in front of a crowd of 19,000 hockey fans who obviously hate their moms.<br /><br />At a campaign rally this weekend, John McCain said that even though they are trailing Barack Obama in the polls, "we've got them just where we want them." Unfortunately, he’s been saying the same thing about Iraqi insurgents for the past five years.<br /><br />PepsiCo has announced that it is cutting over 3330 jobs to give it some "breathing room" during these bad economic times. Luckily, the 3330 employees being laid off are the ones whose job is to shake the Pepsi bottles before they reach the shelf. <br /><br />Six schools in Utah have introduced a Web site that allows students to anonymously report bullies, while six bullies in Utah have introduced a website that allows students to anonymously report Gaylords. <br /><br />Sex offenders in Maryland have begun receiving signs in the mail that read, “No candy at this residence,” which they must post on their front doors on Halloween or face a possible parole violation. But no one told them they have to put any signs on their vans...<br /><br />Ringo Starr has told fans to stop sending letters and requests for autographs, saying such mail will be thrown away after October 20th because he has too much to do. Don’t worry though- this only effects the least talented members of the Beatles fandom. <br /><br />The Bush administration is taking steps for mountain bikers to gain easier access to national parks and other public lands before President Bush leaves office. That’s like someone wrecking your life and trying to make up for it with a day-pass to Great Adventure.<br /><br />It was reported this week that after 8 years of marriage, Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie are divorcing. For now, Madonna says she’ll probably just play the field -… mostly third base. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgoQI4ATeurdkkNysf4eLdovkxhzcqkeYhJMa_b54CvD5BGYYb4P_2d7WQ3qfw5fEPphXTCXcpqelqTgDG9TTvlWwqVGtXhlfrXqM2-fYTtMfGwSQkvaQ1m1iIGYVHUW6gByfHAEfASQ/s1600-h/url.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgoQI4ATeurdkkNysf4eLdovkxhzcqkeYhJMa_b54CvD5BGYYb4P_2d7WQ3qfw5fEPphXTCXcpqelqTgDG9TTvlWwqVGtXhlfrXqM2-fYTtMfGwSQkvaQ1m1iIGYVHUW6gByfHAEfASQ/s400/url.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259600095255481826" /></a>Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-89636574303311486032008-10-13T13:53:00.004-05:002008-10-13T14:02:06.077-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiExlo4giMWiPTtDf35XKaAbOc6f1CbQ_4OuLQEKg1RwLXdLxD9BoS26P7tZZHamS_VW-dGAr1MLbXjdG3ISvN_ChS_eVP0FjiN7wra3MeO7pzIO-UiaLCtb4yQDQU9qCDSjorpfqTrCQ/s1600-h/Flowers.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiExlo4giMWiPTtDf35XKaAbOc6f1CbQ_4OuLQEKg1RwLXdLxD9BoS26P7tZZHamS_VW-dGAr1MLbXjdG3ISvN_ChS_eVP0FjiN7wra3MeO7pzIO-UiaLCtb4yQDQU9qCDSjorpfqTrCQ/s400/Flowers.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5256715727972245186" /></a><br /><br />Scientists at Hebrew University in Jerusalem have found a way to enhance the fragrance of some flowers by a factor of 10. Great news for flowers that smell like crap. <br /><br />Police in Florida are searching for a "bra bandit," who they say stole 160 bras from a Victoria's Secret store. Most likely, just the work of another hard luck case with a couple of boobs at home to support.<br /><br />On Sunday, Pope Benedict helped launch a week-long Bible-reading marathon on Italian television. The marathon, however, does face some stiff competition from anything else on TV that isn’t a Bible-reading marathon. <br /><br />A new study shows that high-powered energy drinks, such as Red Bull, have so much caffeine in them that the government should put warning labels on the cans, -warnings such as: “hey dude- you’re about to become 10 times more obnoxious.” <br /><br />A new clothing boutique in Mexico City has opened that sells bullet-proof clothing- and just in time for “back to drug war season”! <br /><br />A farmer from Canada has won a contest in California with a pumpkin that weighs more than 1500 pounds. The pumpkin is also expected to be a shoe-in to win next week’s “Most Ominous Jack-O-Lantern” contest. <br /><br />An investigation by students at the University of Connecticut found that 8500 dead people remained registered to vote in the state, and about 300 of them appeared to have voted since death. So basically, when told to “vote or die”, you can choose both.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-59317723178640146472008-10-06T10:41:00.006-05:002008-10-06T11:06:22.499-05:00Last week's jokes, today!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgqtv7suMGtftx6ZhOce0HhuMv5ibghm6QDtjEJctS6ofjOiEqFi-NOcFqLBkG2MQKPNIT4rIZBAVPjddx5CKde7vUocWHyfxT0qbKpOKR1RUiuDyITKA1570_ndZp5POWzE5JkULQkA/s1600-h/palin5-320x253.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgqtv7suMGtftx6ZhOce0HhuMv5ibghm6QDtjEJctS6ofjOiEqFi-NOcFqLBkG2MQKPNIT4rIZBAVPjddx5CKde7vUocWHyfxT0qbKpOKR1RUiuDyITKA1570_ndZp5POWzE5JkULQkA/s320/palin5-320x253.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5254072883359207234" /></a><br /><br />During an interview with Katie Couric on Tuesday, Sarah Palin said that she considers herself a "feminist", a point supported by the fact that she was first runner up in Alaska’s “Little Miss Feminist” pageant, circa 1982. <br /><br />A 26 year-old Nebraskan teacher was sentenced to six years in federal prison for fleeing to Mexico with a 13 year-old boy so she could have sex with him. An unfortunate ending to what the boy described as the ‘best field trip ever’. <br /><br />Mathematicians at UCLA have discovered a 13 million-digit prime number, a long sought milestone that makes them eligible for a 100,000 dollar prize, which you know they’re just going to go out and blow on chalk.<br /><br />For the second time this year, a GPS system has been blamed for a car-train collision after a driver followed the device's instructions and turned onto train tracks. As a precaution, drivers with the GPS system are being told to ignore any directions preceded by, "Ever feel like nothing matters anymore?"<br /><br />Last Sunday the New York Mets lost their final game at Shea Stadium and were once again eliminated from the playoffs. The team looks forward to starting next season in their new stadium that wasn’t built over an ancient Indian burial ground.<br /><br />A man in Florida saved his dog from a shark by diving in the water and punching the shark in the head until it let his pet go, though as far as the shark's friends know, he bumped into a reef.<br /><br />Customs officers at the San Paulo, Brazil airport stopped a man who was trying to smuggle 200 birds onto a plane. Police grew suspicious when the man started to take off before the plane.<br /><br />Jatropha, a plant indigenous to Haiti that is believed to release the souls of the dead, is being considered an alternative energy source for cars, with some vehicles getting up to 35 ghosts to the gallon. <br /><br />While appearing on Meet the Press this Sunday, Bill Clinton called John McCain a great man, but failed to say the same thing about Barack Obama. In his defense, the guy is tired of sleeping on the couch. <br /><br />A 71 year-old man in an Oregon hospital, who was being treated for abdominal pain, was mistakenly told that he was pregnant. Not as bad as when doctors at the same hospital diagnosed a pregnant woman as fat.<br /><br />The fear of losing while bidding on items online can push people to pay too much for an item, according to a new study conducted by a guy who paid $732 for pair of Chinese handcuffs.<br /><br />During a Civil War re-enactment in Virginia, a Confederate soldier fired a real shot that hit a Union soldier. Unfortunately, for a while there, everyone just thought the Union soldier was just a really good re-enactor.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-36001841255638780052008-09-29T13:32:00.023-05:002008-09-29T13:43:45.130-05:00Last week's jokes, today!<p></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxC5NJZlDI20CU1LEhyOzPo7qYQgQ-m4ZmJD_utHzY74HGRbA2b1lbZudESfaglUax8bcRxsuhicS6lWZWW-JIInK_UMm3VGJ4egYzKscpbc1V4kQYUztf1aPqG4bDqKvz189JM-4Yww/s1600-h/Palin+Kiss+flat.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxC5NJZlDI20CU1LEhyOzPo7qYQgQ-m4ZmJD_utHzY74HGRbA2b1lbZudESfaglUax8bcRxsuhicS6lWZWW-JIInK_UMm3VGJ4egYzKscpbc1V4kQYUztf1aPqG4bDqKvz189JM-4Yww/s400/Palin+Kiss+flat.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5251513407464981746" /></a><br />At the U.N. Assembly in New York this week, Sarah Palin got a chance to sit down and chat with former Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger. This meeting was particular exciting for Palin, as she was a huge Kiss fan in the 70s. <br /><br />FBI agents raided the home of a University of Tennessee student who allegedly hacked into Sarah Palin's Yahoo e-mail account. The student was able to penetrate Palin’s email by dodging all questions posed by Yahoo’s password security and just charming his way in.<br /><br />In his final speech before the UN General Assembly, President Bush urged the organization to do more to prevent terrorism "instead of only passing resolutions". Out of spite, the assembly immediately passed a resolution to do more than just to pass resolutions.<br /><br />New York City police say they arrested more than a dozen people for stealing pieces of Yankee Stadium during the 85-year-old ballpark's final game, with Joey Landorff of 158th Street leading the thieves in stolen bases. <br /><br />It was reported this week that a leading Saudi Arabian cleric has put out a fatwa on Mickey Mouse, declaring him an agent of Satan. You don’t even want to hear what he has to say about Mickey’s accountant, Moshe Mouse. <br /><br />In this week's issue of People magazine, Clay Aiken confirmed what we’ve known for a long time: when he finally came out, it was not going to be on the cover of “Guns and Ammo”. <br /><br />Last weekend, nearly 300 tow trucks participated in a parade through New York in an attempt to break the record for the world's largest tow truck parade. In a rare show of support, the tow trucks were joined by nearly 300 illegally parked cars. <br /><br />This week, David Blain hung upside-down in New York’s Central Park for 60 hours, breaking his own record for most desperate way to get your attention. <br /><br />The University of California is suing about 20 protesters each for up to 10,000 dollars for their sit-in in a tree that lasted 22 months. Said protesters: “good thing we saved all that money we earned while we were living in a tree for the past 22 months!”<br /><br />Officials at the CIA, the FBI and the National Security Agency are encouraging their staff members to use A-Space, a new social networking site designed for the spying community. The good news is, our spy agencies are finally sharing information; the bad news is, it’s about what their favorite movie quotes are. <br /><br />A woman in Idaho named Jolee Bacon won first place at the County Fair hog calling competition, though most people felt her sister, Jolene Bacon was just as good.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-18059825610228663142008-09-22T10:02:00.014-05:002008-09-22T14:06:12.287-05:00Jokes that mattered for a moment at some point last week<p><br /></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXCG2uXBtAbl8a88LEmZ6G1-th-5WRejWxU2HjW56a2kvdX_imn-UX3uM27VSReGgd3Uj87Xj-UkwckM6wTVlxYY8ZrONWF73mD8n9UOwSLbnTkjcXr3z_0m6oXH1Sdzi-3pOU6tEoBA/s1600-h/capt.5d5ec297e4aa4aad917bbaa7369c0b43.palin_2008_flpe104.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXCG2uXBtAbl8a88LEmZ6G1-th-5WRejWxU2HjW56a2kvdX_imn-UX3uM27VSReGgd3Uj87Xj-UkwckM6wTVlxYY8ZrONWF73mD8n9UOwSLbnTkjcXr3z_0m6oXH1Sdzi-3pOU6tEoBA/s320/capt.5d5ec297e4aa4aad917bbaa7369c0b43.palin_2008_flpe104.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5248861711749396914" /></a><br />Sarah Palin said she agreed to accept John McCain's offer to be his running mate after her three daughters voted for her to do it. It’s kind of cute, until you realize that this is how she’ll one day decide whether or not to bomb Iran. <br /><br />Sarah Palin’s father told reporters that he taught her how to shoot and gut a moose. He then added, “but it was Sarah’s idea to make the moose’s family watch.” <br /><br />Michelle Obama has landed on People Magazine’s best dressed list. Actually, so did Sarah Palin, but it was for their ‘Best dressed if it were still 1985’ list. <br /><br />Sarah Palin said Monday that if elected, one of her roles in the McCain administration would involve promoting care for special-needs children. In other words, she’ll be hiring a full-time nanny.<br /><br />CBS's "60 Minutes" will devote its full broadcast this week to John McCain and Barack Obama. Actually, the show will mostly be about Obama, but for some reason they’re giving McCain the last five minutes to gripe about how irritating he finds personalized ring tones. <br /><br />The economy has really taken a turn for the worse this week. It’s so bad, today John McCain admitted he doesn’t know how many landscapers he has to lay off. <br /><br />Tuesday, one of John McCain’s staff members credited the Senator with inventing the BlackBerry. McCain said it actually happened by accident when he was trying to create the first rotary cell phone.<br /><br />A fund-raising dinner at which Barbra Streisand performed on Tuesday, helped raise 9 million dollars for Barack Obama's campaign. In other news, the Federal Reserve has granted ailing insurance company AIG an emergency Barbra Streisand concert. <br /><br />According to a new report, Barack Obama's plans to raise taxes on people earning more than 250,000 dollars would cost wealthy New Yorkers almost 16 billion dollars. Boy, he’s just not done sticking it to the Clintons yet, is he?<br /><br />A researcher has found that social networking sites have become more popular than porn sites. Experts believe this may be due to a growing trend of people preferring to masturbate to someone they know.<br /><br />Paris Hilton is in mourning today after losing two of her dogs to a vicious coyote attack last night. Poor things. They probably weren’t even full afterwards. <br /><br />"Lakeview Terrace" debuted at the top spot at the weekend box office. You know it’s a bad weekend for Hollywood when the most exciting film in the theater is named after the home you put your grandmother in. <br /><br />Bobby Irwin, the 4 year-old son of the late Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, was seen wrestling a baby crocodile for a potential TV pilot. The pilot’s working title is, “See you soon, Papa”. <br /><br />Madame Tussaud's returned a wax figure of Adolf Hitler to its Berlin branch after someone beheaded the statue. Should we be worried that Germany has an ample supply of back-up Hitler heads?<br /><br />Paul McCartney's ex-wife is donating $1 million worth of soy hamburgers, soy hot dogs and soy chicken cutlets to one of the poorest neighborhoods in the Bronx. The gesture actually made one of the poorest neighborhoods in the Bronx feel bad for Paul McCartney. <br /><br />According to a new book, John Lennon had sexual fantasies about his mother as well Paul McCartney. Even more disturbing- he had sexual fantasies about Yoko Ono. <br /><br />Kevin Federline skipped one of his sons' birthday parties to extend his stay at a party for a new Las Vegas club. To add insult to injury, it was the new Las Vegas Chucky Cheese Club.<br /><br />According to a new study, celebrity crushes are healthy and may enhance self-esteem. You know what’s not so healthy? Stalkers with high self-esteem. <br /><br />"Sex and the City" author Candace Bushnell is set to a series of novels about Carrie Bradshaw's teenage years in high school. Bushnell said readers should expect less “Sex and the City” and more “Dry Humping and the Dugout.”<br /><br />Moscow is helping Cuba develop its own space center. With Russia’s help, Cuba hopes they’ll soon be able to launch their first raft into outer space.<br /><br />A dog in France is believed to be the first animal to appear as a witness in a murder inquiry when he "barked furiously" at a potential suspect during a preliminary hearing. Then again, he also barked at the water fountain on the way into the courtroom, so maybe that’s the murderer?<br /><br />A German shepherd called 911 when his owner was having a seizure. Then the dog called in an order for two large pizzas with extra sausage while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. <br /><br />Sources say Celine Dion has 11 bodyguards while on stage. They’re not there in case a deranged fan attacks her; they’re there in case her band attacks her.<br /><br />The Electronics store Best Buy plans to buy Napster for $121 million in cash. After that, Best Buy plans on joining Friendster. <br /><br />Brad Pitt donated $100,000 to fight a California initiative that would make same-sex marriages illegal. Pitt is either a real friend to the gay community or he wants to make sure that adopting the world’s orphan population isn’t all on him. <br /><br />Scientists have discovered that eating too many vegetable-only meals can cause your brain to shrink. And if you eat vegetable-only meals while watching the Hills, your brain completely disappears.<br /><br />They’re now saying there will be two more Spider Man movies, although the plot lines may be running a bit thin. The next one is just Tobey Maguire getting the Spidey suit let out a few inches.<br /><br />A Florida judge has ruled it unconstitutional to ban the wearing of saggy pants that show your underwear. Hip hop community - 1. Belts- zero. <br /><br />According to a new study, children whose parents argue a lot are more likely to have problems, both in school and psychologically. I could have told you that- no you couldn’t have!<br /><br />Doctors are warning David Blaine that when he hangs upside down above Central Park for 60 hours next week he risks going blind. I should have mentioned, he was planning on masturbating the whole time he was hanging upside down. <br /><br />Pearl Jam front man and Chicago Cubs fan Eddie Vedder released a song for the team called "All the Way." Likewise, long-time New York Mets fan, Billy Joel fans released a song for his team. That song is called, “How can you blow this again?”Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042722727889987883.post-73349089598041948652008-09-14T19:12:00.006-05:002008-09-14T19:39:26.101-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL1jeYQsUGiwdNEiA_wktmzaPU_3Zuc-A7fyHNhkB-w6F0ZtPmhvh_Z9rK-9LHn1keysqZHGmVyfPePdZlyCkVHcPwUNHGI_Iyqy-1mhOnwVy6unWDtMTOnmtpM6gQuSDWl6WU_Ra6HA/s1600-h/s-CHURCH-large.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL1jeYQsUGiwdNEiA_wktmzaPU_3Zuc-A7fyHNhkB-w6F0ZtPmhvh_Z9rK-9LHn1keysqZHGmVyfPePdZlyCkVHcPwUNHGI_Iyqy-1mhOnwVy6unWDtMTOnmtpM6gQuSDWl6WU_Ra6HA/s320/s-CHURCH-large.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246040420760866546" /></a><br />Sources say Sarah Palin's church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer. And if that doesn’t work, they’ll try giving them 10 minutes with Bristol Palin and see what happens.<br /><br />Dick Cheney told reporters that he really enjoyed Sarah Palin's joke at the Republican National Convention about the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull. Apparently so- she’s now opening for him at the Dayton Funny Bone, September 25th through the 29th.<br /><br />Vanity Fair has estimated that would-be First Lady Cindy McCain sported over $300,000 worth of designer clothes at the Republican National Convention. It should be noted that afterwards, Cindy graciously donated all the clothes to her favorite charity, “Republicans Women Wearing Only $200,000 Worth of Designer Clothes”.<br /><br />John McCain says he’d pay the most well-off members of his cabinet one dollar per year. Said McCain, “if it’s good enough for my gardeners, it’s good enough for my cabinet.”<br /><br />Barack Obama said in an interview this week that he once considered joining the military. He said ultimately he decided against it after realizing those people <i>really</i> cling to their guns.<br /><br />While speaking at a town hall meeting in New Hampshire, Joe Biden said Hillary Clinton was more qualified than he was to be vice president. That’s when the Democrats asked the Republicans if they know of any good places to hide a Vice Presidential nominee until November. <br /><br />A Jewish services group in Dothan, Alabama is offering Jewish families as much as 50,000 dollars to relocate to the small, overwhelmingly Christian town. Jews nationwide responded to the offer by asking the Christian residents of Dothan, “How much to stay put?”<br /><br />It is being reported that Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are expecting twins, while Jessica Simpson’s twins are expecting stares. <br /><br />Police responding to calls for help from inside a New Jersey home were surprised to discover that the calls were coming from a cockatoo. Unfortunately, the police left the home before realizing the cockatoo was just mimicking the cries of help from the couple it had just bludgeoned to death.<br /><br />A freshman at Michigan State University was randomly assigned to the same dorm room his father occupied in 1978. A less fun fact: it’s also the same dorm room from which his mother made her maiden “walk of shame”. <br /><br />A man in Wisconsin with obsessive-compulsive disorder says that he has eaten 23,000 Big Macs since 1972. Obviously, his obsessive-compulsiveness does not include calorie counting. <br /><br />A man in Washington state was sentenced to 12 years in prison after admitting that he lured his wife into putting her neck into a noose by telling her that he had set up a haunted house in their garage for Halloween. Authorities believe the women would still be alive today if only she hadn’t chosen “trick” over “treat”.<br /><br />Prosecutors in Russia want to ban "South Park," calling the cartoon series "extremist" after receiving viewer complaints from religious leaders. If I were Kenny, I’d watch my back. <br /><br />Polar bears at a zoo in Japan are being turned green because of algae growth in their moat…, NOT because their envious that the grizzly bears have free wi-fi and a pool table in their cave.<br /><br />A 205-kilowatt photovoltaic solar array was unveiled Tuesday on the roof of the Department of Energy's main building in Washington DC. Kind of makes up for the fact that the Department of Energy keeps its Christmas lights up all year round. <br /><br />Air New Zealand is offering to pay bald travelers to tattoo ads for their speedy check-in system on their heads. Many have already responded to the call, because there’s nothing sexier than bald sell-out. <br /><br />MSNBC announced Monday that it is replacing Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews as co-anchors of political coverage with after the two failed to provide impartial reporting during the recent party conventions. The NBC owned network hopes to attract less controversy when it welcomes its new lead political anchor team of Al Roker and Chuck.<br /><br />In time for the start of the NFL season, All-Pro wide receiver Chad Johnson has legally changed his surname to OchoCinco in recognition of his uniform number. As ridiculous as that seems, it beats his first idea of changing his name to his locker combination.<br /><br />In a new tell-all book, Brittney Spears' mother reveals her daughter lost her virginity to a high school football star when she was only 14. The book goes on to say that Jamie Lynne Spears, determined not to follow in her sister’s footsteps, lost her virginity at 14 to a high school lacrosse star.<br /><br /><br />It’s been announced that there will be two more Spider Man movies, although the plot lines may be running a bit thin. The next one is just Tobey Maguire getting the Spidey suit let out a few inches.<br /><br />This past Sunday, after twelve years and 5124 performances on Broadway, the hit show "Rent'" ended its run. And so begins the show’s next incarnation, “What do you mean we’re not getting our security deposit back?”<br /><br />Police in Utah say actor Gary Coleman hit a fan with his truck outside a bowling alley after an argument. Police are still trying to determine what the dispute was over and how Coleman reached the gas pedal. <br /><br />According to new reports, medical students are avoiding careers in general internal medicine, which could exacerbate the US doctor shortage. Thankfully, due to the success and staying power of shows like ER and Gray’s Anatomy, there will be no shortage of fake doctors in the years to come.Josh Comershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608788440895231785noreply@blogger.com0