In a new videotape, al-Qaeda's No. 2 said President Bush was an alcoholic and a lying gambler who wagered on Iraq and lost. Not his words; he was just reciting lyrics from a new Dixie Chicks song.

Lawyers for Scooter Libby say Vice President Dick Cheney will not testify in their client’s perjury and obstruction trial. Sources say they wanted him to, but couldn’t find a Bible willing to sworn upon by Cheney.

British pop star Robbie Williams has entered rehab for drug addiction, and being gay. Okay, the gay part isn’t true, but it’s really hard to get into rehab these days just for a drug addiction.

A new study shows a chemical in male sweat can boost mood, brain activity and sexual arousal in heterosexual women. It also doesn’t hurt if that sweat is worked up from carrying around large sacks of money.

The Navy announced they may be deploying anti-terrorism dolphins to protect submarines and ships at a Washington state military base. President Bush says if that works out well, he’ll promote the dolphins to guard vital sites on land.