Over the weekend, thousands of stargazers watched the first eclipse in over three years; Bill Clinton appeared in public with Hillary.

Conservatives are trying hard to distance themselves from Ann Coulter after she called John Edwards a ‘faggot’. Ted Haggard even went as far to give Edwards a $2000 campaign contribution and his private number.

After going to the hospital for stomach pains, a 420-pound woman was surprised to learn she was in her third trimester of pregnancy. The father was shocked as well, but more so over having had sex with a 420-pound woman.

Police in Texas discovered a video of teenagers forcing a 2-year old and a 5-year old to smoke pot. The confiscated video cuts out right before the stoned toddlers went on a late-night Playdo run.

The authority of proper manners and creator of the annual list of best-mannered cities, Marjabelle Young Stewart has passed away. She will be remembered with a chorus of burps and farts her friends and family have been holding in for forty years.