Instead of the traditional appearance on a box of Wheaties, Olympic legend Michael Phelps has chosen to appear on boxes of Kellogg's sugar laden Frosted Flakes. It’s all part of Phelp’s plan to make sure every American child grows up too fat to ever challenge his record.

A human rights group reported that more than 200,000 children were spanked in U.S. schools during the past school year. Only half was consensual.

Maudie White Hopkins, the last widow of a confederate army veteran has died, or, ceded from the material world.

Jessica Simpson has signed on as spokeswoman for the beer Stampede Light Plus, while her younger sister continues to be the face of a Stampede.

Dozens of people gathered by the Milwaukee River for the unveiling of a statue of "Happy Days" character, the Fonze. The ceremony was briefly interrupted when the statue was attacked and sexually assaulted by a pack of horny sixty year olds.
Pinky Tuscadero is being sought for questioning.