Yesterday, a powerful, mysterious smell of gas wafted through much of Manhattan and parts of New Jersey, forcing building evacuations, a temporary suspension of commuter train service, and a field day for morning DJ’s with an itchy “fart sound effect” finger.

Astrophysicist Stephen Hawking plans to travel to space by 2009.
There, he hopes to discover life that sounds like him.

Yesterday, Civil rights activist Al Sharpton stated he is seriously considering a run for president, saying "I don't hear any reason not to". Sharpton then put his hands over his ears and walked away repeating loudly, “la la la… I don’t hear any reason not to… la la la la…I don’t hear any reason not to… la la la…”.

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Van Halen was ushered into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on Monday.
Congratulations Gary Cherone!

Van Halen’s induction is a long time coming, and should spur more rumors of a Van Halen reunion, reawaken bitter feuds, and make us all nostalgic for the days when we could wear zebra print spandex and not look like a zebra.