Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Some jokes that haven't mattered for weeks. Possibly a month.

It was revealed this week that a man in California who was convicted of serial murder was a winning bachelor on “The Dating Game” in 1978. This should have been obvious, since every answer he gave on the show started with, “First, I’d murder you.”

According to a new study, this year could be the “tipping point” when the number of babies born to minorities outnumbers that of babies born to whites. I don’t know what it is, but somewhere in here, there’s a great racist pick- up line.

It was unveiled Monday that the design for this year’s New York City official condom wrapper is the power symbol for a computer. Personally, I would have gone with the “Caps Lock” key.

A former US Navy Intelligence officer won the USA Memory Championship last weekend for the second year in a row. Which means he REALLY must be catching hell for forgetting his wife’s birthday last Tuesday.

It’s been announced that President Obama will appear in the 1000th episode of American’s Most Wanted. “I knew it!”, said anyone who’s ever attended a Tea Party Convention.

On Monday President Obama angered teachers union officials when he voiced support for the firing of all the teachers at a failing Rhode Island school. The fired teachers were also furious and threatened to teach Obama a lesson he will forget because they’re terrible teachers.

Police in New York say that a driver for model Naomi Campbell has filed a complaint that she slapped and punched him while he was driving her around the city. In Naomi’s defense, there were a lot of punch buggies on the road that day.

A New York man has recorded images of what he claims to be a UFO flying over the Williamsburg section of the Brooklyn. It was first UFO sighting ever spotted wearing skinny jeans and blasting Belle and Sebastian.

Organizers for New York’s National Puerto Rican Day Parade said that they are ending their 30 year relationship with sponsor Captain Morgan Rum. Unfortunately, the relationship between Captain Morgan’s Rum and the parade goers is expected to be as strong as ever.

A new glow-in-the-dark roll of toilet paper is being sold on the Internet. Which begs the question: who’s pooping in the dark?

Apple is getting pressure from workers rights groups to disclose more details about its suppliers after the company revealed some of its contractors had hired underage employees. Or as Apple calls them, Nano workers.

A number of people in states that allow people to openly carry firearms, have been exercising this right by walking into their local Starbucks with their guns. Luckily, it’s impossible to shoot anyone while a Nora Jones CD is playing.

The movie Precious recently won outstanding motion picture and outstanding independent film at the 41st NAACP Image Awards. Completely snubbed by the NAACP Image Awards: “Anvil! The story of Anvil.”

Thursday, January 14, 2010