Tuesday, February 20, 2007

In a ceremony outside of George Washington’s home yesterday, President Bush likened the revolutionary war to the war on terrorism. Then things got really weird when Dick Cheney rode by on horseback proclaiming, “The terrorists are coming! The terrorists are coming!”

A reality show is coming to Spike TV in which amateur detectives try to solve real-life homicides. Victims’ families can now breathe a sigh of relief knowing that attention-starved reality show contestants are on the case.

If Hillary Rodham Clinton wins the presidency, some Democrats want her husband to serve out her unexpired Senate term. While flattered, Bill says he’s not rushing back into politics until he’s 100% horny enough.

Police discovered the mummified remains of a Long Island man sitting in front of a blaring television set. The news gave hope to marketers looking for ways to reach the illusive dead and gone demographic.

Doctors are close to sending home the Florida baby delivered only 21 weeks after conception. Doctors are calling the baby a tiny miracle. The mother is calling it it her favorite new key chain charm.