After having sexual contact with a dead dear, a 20-year old Wisconsin man has received probation and the distinguished honor of being the only man alive that pedophiles can look down on.

Al Gore went in front of Congress yesterday to insist that the ‘planet has a fever’, or, as Republicans prefer to call it, a ‘pain in the ass.’

A senator’s proposal to honor Justin Timberlake in his home state of Tennessee has been rebuffed by fellow politicians. Poor Justin. If only he were popping ludes by the fistful and tagging 14 year-olds.

Wal-Mart has announced new initiatives to recognize performance among its employees. Sounds like someone’s getting a free refill on their fountain soda in the employee cafeteria...

Iranian President Ahmadinejad is expected to arrive in NYC late Friday. In exchange, New York is sending Iran two delusional megalomaniacs to be named later.