A classic-car broker who swindled actor Nicolas Cage was sentenced to five years in prison. Sadly, no new leads on the guy who sold Cage his hairpiece.

Yesterday, Tony Blair declared that bad driving is a bigger danger to the world than war. Bush must’ve been listening, because today he sent 20 thousand new traffic cops to Iraq.

Hip-hop executive Russell Simmons has recommended eliminating the words "bitch," "ho" and the "n" word from the recording industry. Not from the song lyrics, just from the nicknames they give interns.

A mineral recently discovered in Serbia has the same composition as kryptonite. Geologists claim this could answer the age-old question: why has Superman always been such a pussy when it comes to Serbia?

Rep. Dennis Kucinich plans to introduce articles of impeachment against Vice President Dick Cheney. Oh My God... did someone blow Dick Cheney?