In a stunning upset, the Iraqi football team beat Saudi Arabia 1-0 in the Asian Cup final. The Iraqi team’s victory was slightly marred when Shi'ite and Sunni players squabbled over who got to pour the barrel of oil over their coach’s head.

The Iraqi Sports Minister claimed the win was a victory for all Iraqis, except those shot during the celebratory post-game gunfire.

Immediately after Saudi’s loss, President Bush sent 3 battalions of full- backs to the Saudi Kingdom to protect America’s interests.

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Hillary Clinton's handlers are outraged over a newspaper story musing over her showing a little cleavage. Hillary’s camp is urging supporters to fight back by stuffing cash into her coffers, while Bill Clinton is fighting back by asking “what cleavage?”

Paul Stanley of the rock band Kiss had to pull out of a show on Friday after his heart started beating at more than twice the normal level. Doctors treating the 55-year old Stanley advised him to rock and roll no later than 8:00 pm, and take brisk walks everyday.

The man who owns Jerry Garcia's house is selling the legend’s kitchen sink, or as Jerry called it, his ‘bong water refilling station’.