Powerful thunderstorms caused flooding and chaos in New York City this morning, bringing the metropolis to its knees. In other news, al Qaeda has abandoned its pursuit of weapons of mass destruction and has decided to just go with rain dance lessons.

The flooding in NYC was so bad, Michael Bloomberg said “screw the subways” and rode his yacht to City Hall.

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Last night, Barry Bonds slugged his 756 homerun to become the all time home run champ. For a moment, everyone at AT&T Park forgot about the controversy surrounding the feat, until an elated Bonds reached home plate and pressed his entire family and the on-deck batter over his head in celebration.

President George W. Bush did not call Bonds after the historic home run. He did, however, listen in on all the calls Bonds did receive.

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A man was snagged smuggling a monkey under his hat onto an airplane at New York’s LaGuardia Airport yesterday. Flight attendants were tipped off about the tiny primate by passengers complaining that the man in the top hat was playing his organ too loud.