In a new audiotape out on this anniversary of 9/11, Osama bin Laden urged sympathizers to join the "caravan" of martyrs. In a related story, 50 cent has vowed to retire if Osama’s new release is more successful than his own.

The audiotape comes days after Osama’s first video tape appearance in nearly three years. The video begins with Osama telling Americans to embrace Islam to avert war and ends with four awkward minutes of Sara Silverman tearing him a new one.

Brittney Spears continues to be universally panned for her sluggish performance at the MTV Music Awards. Sources say Britney is so distraught over the criticism, she’s considering going back to being a stay-out-late mom.

New York City’s A-train turns 75 today. The MTA celebrated the train’s birthday by making everyone late for work.

New reports hint at more raunchy pictures to come showing the High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens kissing another female. Hudgens publicist insists it’s all part a nationwide push to get straight males students to enroll in drama.