It was announced that Oprah Winfrey will soon be getting her own television network. The network will debut in early 2009, coincidentally, right around the time Oprah is scheduled to get her own U.S. President.

The Plague, or Black Death as it was known in mid-evil times, is re-emerging worldwide. Scientists say they’re surprised to see the deadly disease back, but even more surprised by the return of witches.

At today's annual Macworld, Steve Jobs unveiled a new personal laptop. The new super slim computer is less than an inch thick and is turned on the moment it's opened. Designed by Apple, inspired by Paris Hilton.

Today marks the return of American Idol. I promise to vote for anyone who doesn’t sing about “change”.

Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee said he will not run from his statement 15 years ago that AIDS patients should have been isolated, though he is backing off his decade old assertion that anyone with herpes should be shipped to Staten Island.