Monday, March 10, 2008

Sen. Barack Obama won the Wyoming Democratic caucuses over the weekend. After his win, a beaming Hilary Clinton boasted, “That’s my Vice President!”

President Bush made his first appearance on the stage of the Gridiron Club of Washington journalists where he sang a song about looking forward to his return to Texas. The song went to #1 on the “you and us both” charts.

A 31-year-old software engineer recalled the correct order of an entire deck of playing cards in 2 minutes and 27 seconds on Saturday to take the title of having the best memory in the United States. Coming in dead last was that friend of yours who still owes you forty bucks.

About 5,000 files containing confidential data on MTV employees were illegally accessed by someone outside the company. This marks the worst case of theft at the network since someone lifted Kurt Loder’s “Just for Men”.

A new investigation revealed a vast array of pharmaceutical drugs have been found in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans. While further testing is underway, all Americans are still advised to drink 8 glasses of water a day, or ten if you’re really depressed.