A blind British runner became only the third person ever to complete seven marathons on seven continents in seven days. The man’s seeing eye dog, released this statement: “F this guy. I want a new assignment.”

Former defense secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld is working on his memoir. Rumsfeld believes he can tell his story in 100 pages, while his publisher is insisting on another 400 pages to do the job right.

A short film of Marilyn Monroe engaging in oral sex with an unidentified man has been purchased for $1.5 million. The buyer promised the seller the video will be kept from the public’s eye and promised himself that this is positively it for porn for the rest of year.

A new form of cloning has been developed that is easier to carry out than old techniques, raising fears that it may be used to produce "designer" babies, possibly leading to an increase in illegal but highly trendy, designer back alley abortions.

The President greets the Pope in Washington today. To keep Bush from asking too many questions, his aids told him it was crazy hat day and left it at that.