A 3-year-old boy took first place in a Minnesota mullet contest. In his acceptance speech, the boy made sure to thank his parents for being dicks.

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David Blaine broke the world record holding his breath on The Oprah Winfrey show yesterday, lasting 17 minutes and 4 seconds. Then, later on in the show, Dr. Phil came out and held his bullshit for 2 minutes, a personal best.

On hand in a rare audience appearance was Steadman Graham, Oprah’s boyfriend and the previous holder of the record.

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Islanders from Lesbos have taken a gay rights group to court for using the word lesbian in its name, saying it insults the identity of the people of Lesbos, also known as Lesbians. Wait- The Lesbos vs. The Lesbians? HOT!

Seriously, why can’t this be settled over bowling and shots of Tequila like most lesbian wars?*

(*author knows nothing about how actual lesbian warfare is conducted)