AC/DC's next studio album will be sold exclusively at Wal-Mart stores. No one is saying they sold out, but the first single planned for release is, “For those about to shop, (we salute you).”

Presidential candidate John McCain joked that he’s using Google to search for his running mate. In all seriousness, he’s using eHarmony.

Archaeologists have unearthed what they claim is the world's first church in Jordan. They’re planning on returning to dig the rest of it up on Easter and Christmas.

Verizon, Sprint and Time Warner Cable have agreed with New York state officials to block access to child pornography. This marks a sharp turnaround from their prior policy: free child porn for the first month.

Supermarkets and restaurants are yanking certain varieties of tomatoes after a 17-state salmonella outbreak. In other news, Fozzie Bear has cancelled all upcoming appearances until further notice.