A new report says that Australia has a higher obesity rate than the United States. Upon hearing this, America replied, “That’s only because they’re 2 meals ahead of us.”

A gang of female bandits dressed as nurses are mugging elderly women in Florida. Of course, you’re safe if you’re not in their network.

President Bush visited the Midwest today to inspect the damage inflicted by massive floods. You can tell he’s not even trying anymore; he proclaimed the area a national swimming pool.

The Vatican said Wednesday that it is working on a set of guidelines for what it considers "good cinema." The guidelines will be used to help the public seek out only those films that will never be produced.

Time Magazine is reporting that a group of girls under the age of 16 followed through on their pact to get pregnant. This isn’t going to help with their other pact: lose 10 lbs by the Junior Prom.