Pending further investigation, many experts have concluded that U.S. Airways flight 1549 was downed by a flock of geese. After hearing this, President Bush capped off his Presidency by declaring war on pigeons.

Barack Obama's inauguration will have a strong Abraham Lincoln theme, including using the bible Lincoln was sworn in with, a luncheon menu modeled on Lincoln's favorite food, and several racist states ceding from the union.

A 22 year-old woman who is auctioning off her virginity says the bids have gotten as high as 3.8 million dollars. So basically, this economy is going to suck for everyone but hot virgins.

Joseph Brooks, a New York songwriter who won an Academy Award for the Debbie Boone song "You Light Up My Life," is a suspect in five sexual assault cases. In addition, he’s suspected of pretty much ruining the song, "You Light Up My Life," for five women.

Amy Winehouse told a British paper this week that she has a new boyfriend, and that when she’s with him, “she doesn’t need drugs”, which sounded encouraging until it was discovered that this new boyfriend was made out of crack.

A new "flirting course" is being offered to aspiring IT engineers at Potsdam University in Germany, where they will learn how to write flirtatious text messages and e-mails, how to impress people at parties and how to cope with rejection. So, it’s basically a class on how to cope with rejection.

A 107 year-old Chinese woman, who never married, says she is ready for a husband now. Unfortunately, her choices have narrowed a bit, as she prefers older men.