Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Laura Bennett, a finalist on the third season of Project Runway, has welcomed her sixth child into the world. The child arrived in an understated coat of afterbirth and was immediately adorned with a sensible apricot blanket featuring a soft, chenille weave.

Some good news for Pfizer shareholders. Earlier today, Pfizer announced the development a new drug that calms the nerves of people who own Pfizer stock.

Russian reformist Yegor Gaidar has been released from hospital after ingesting an unknown toxic substance. Authorities suspect he was either another victim of a covert Kremlin plot to extinguish its enemies, or he just had a bad Gordito.

Minnesota has been named the healthiest state for the fourth consecutive year. The unhealthiest state is Louisiana, who once again is promising to join a gym in the New Year and lay off the deep-fried Cajun Turkey.

President George W. Bush admitted he rarely talks policy with his father. Sadly, W. confessed his father isn’t very nurturing at all and never even sat down him down to explain where terrorists came from.

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