Wednesday, December 6, 2006

The much-awaited bi-partisan report on Iraq said President Bush's policy in Iraq "is not working." Bush says he’s open to all options, from burning the report to shredding it.

New York is to become the first city in the country to ban all restaurants from using artificial trans fats. Lonely, bottom feeding single males are vigorously protesting the plan, fearing the ban could diminish the city’s supply of desperate fat chicks.

Scientists say they have photographic evidence that suggests that water exists on Mars. The water has already been bottled and is selling at chic cafes for eight dollars a bottle.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran has been accused of undermining Iran's Islamic revolution after television footage showed him watching female dancers. To make matters worse, yesterday, instead of praying toward Mecca, Ahmadinejad was spotted praying toward Hooters.

CNN correspondent John Roberts showed up on the air with a fresh black eye. Unfortunately, no CNN make-up artists were available to smooth over the shiner, as they were too busy trying to bring some life into Larry King’s face.

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