Roger Clemens says he'll do all he can to prove he didn't use steroids. In other news, Clemens’ former trainer was killed today by an errant 98 mph fastball.
President Bush signed legislation today aimed at preventing the severely mentally ill from buying guns. The only stipulation was he doesn’t have to be the one to break the news to Ted Nugent.
A Boy Scout foiled an assassination attempt on the president of the Maldives today. Of course, over there the Boy Scout Motto is “Always Be Prepar- HE’S GOT A KNIFE!”.
Brittney Spears’ abandoned car was impounded today. Dr. Phil has already made two visits to the car.
New Hampshire experienced unseasonably pleasant weather today. It was so was warm, Mitt Romney shed a layer of skin. It was so nice outside, kids were swimming in Hillary’s tears. It was so balmy, John McCain cooled off by waterboarding himself.
6 comments:
i don't find waterboarding jokes funny at all.
HA. Just kidding, it's me..Vinny Fallon, you're a funny fella Comers, where can a poor boy do open mic comedy to an indifferent group of dudes on a Wednesday? Get back to me!!
Sorry. I can't recall a Vinny Fallon among my legions of fans. Are you the one that accosted me at the bus stop? Anyway, thanks for reading and please stop by the Jokes That Won’t Matter Tomorrow Official Merchandise Page!
(Stress Factory?)
my fan(s) have legions too, what's up with that? Next time don't play it cool and respond in less than 13 minutes, ok hot shot? And hey, who do i have to blow to penetrate that comdey igloo? maybe i'll just do a spot outise of the old hamburger harry's, here is where i would draw a sad face using keyboard symbols......,./';
Come on, Vinny. You know I love you. Just not comfortable expressing it publicly, like i just did.
See you at outside Harry's.
do we have to bark if it's just the two of us and no actual show? I told some dude at the Broadway Comedy club that i couldn't bark because i was hit by a cab and in a coma for 23 days while barking for Gladys, i thought he'd assume i was kidding, he did not, so if you hear about the idiot comic that got hit by a cab, that's me sunshine!!
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