Yesterday, Nicole Richie was arrested for driving under the influence. Nicole did not help matters when she threw her lunch up in the breathalyzer.

Nicole was not cuffed, because really, what’s the point?

A new report shows America intelligence agencies were bugging Princess Diana's telephone at the time of her death. In other news, the US has changed its country’s motto from “In God We Trust” to “Inquiring Minds Want To Know.”

Al Gore is waging a campaign for an Oscar for his global warming documentary. In a rare move, the Oscar committee has already begun playing the musical cue to get Gore off the stage.

The world’s oldest woman died Monday at the age of 116.
Sadly, her last words- “I’ll have the Chalupa Supreme.”

Iran is in the midst of a two-day conference centered around theories denying the Holocaust. Also, please keep your calendars clear for my upcoming conference where I put forth my theories that suggest I never did enough coke once that I shit myself.