An astronaut is under arrest after attempting to kidnap the lover of a fellow astronaut she was having an affair with. The victim knew she was in trouble when the kidnapper whipped out a roll of duct tape and started counting down from ten.

In a statement, a NASA spokesman said there are no rules against fraternizing among astronauts, though they are getting tired of cleaning the ceilings of the Space Shuttle.

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Reports show that since the Mark Foley page scandal, interest in joining the program is on the upswing. In other news, the Catholic Church has just recruited Mark Foley into the priesthood.

Turner Broadcasting is paying the city of Boston $2 million for its ad campaign that caused a terrorism scare. Half the money will go to agencies incurring extra security costs, while the other half will be used to educate the public on the dangers of blinking cartoon characters.

New studies show regular pot smokers who quit do experience some withdrawal symptoms. The most common withdrawal symptoms users face include irritability, trouble sleeping and the inability to find the humor in reruns of Green Acres.