Fear swept through Boston yesterday over suspicious devices that turned out were advertising props for a Cartoon Network show. Still, it was the worst cartoon-inflicted scare Boston’s experienced since the Great Smurf Threat of ’82.

Today Sen. Joe Biden begins celebrating “My Presidential Aspirations are History” month.

A college student who told police she had been raped was jailed for two days after officers found an old warrant for her arrest. Victims rights groups are calling the arrest an outrage, while the arresting officers insist it was consensual.

The Eagles are near completion of their first album of all-new music in nearly 30 years. Apparently, the Greatest Hits well is dryer than Joe Walsh’s mouth after a 4-day bender.

Liberal comedian Al Franken is running for Senate. His advisors are doing their best to steer him away from his preferred campaign slogan, “If you don’t vote for me, you’re a big fat idiot”.